just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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