when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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