u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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