I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
