So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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