I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
