Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
