Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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