I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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