I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
