I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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