I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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