I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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