See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
