I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
