shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
