So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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