my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
