Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
