I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
