yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
