Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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