Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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