Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
