she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
