I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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