my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
