He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
