a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
