I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Randomize
