i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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