I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
