so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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