she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
