I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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