my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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