im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
