I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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