Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
