this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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