I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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