i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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