I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
