so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
