I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
