i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
