The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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