They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
