I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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