my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
