I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
