wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
