whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
