i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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