How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The power of my boobs compel you
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
